You have't seen the last of me

Feeling broken

Barely holding on

But there's just something so strong

Somewhere inside me

And I am down but I'll get up again

Don't count me out just yet



I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking

But I can take it

I'll be back

Back on my feet

This is far from over

You haven't seen the last of me

You haven't seen the last of me



They can say that

I won't stay around

But I'm gonna stand my ground

You're not gonna stop me

You don't know me

You don't know who I am

Don't count me out so fast



I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking

But I can take it

I'll be back

Back on my feet

This is far from over

You haven't seen the last of me


There will be no fade out

This is not the end

I'm down now

But i'll be standing tall again

Times are hard but

I was built tough

I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of



I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking

But I can take it

I'll be back

Back on my feet

This is far from over

I am far from over

You haven't seen the last of me



No no

I'm not going nowhere

I'm staying right here

Oh no

You won't see me begging

I'm not taking my bow

Can't stop me

It's not the end

You haven't seen the last of me

Oh no

You haven't seen the last of me

You haven't seen the last of me

Merry Christmas

Thank you's, achey achey's and upcoming construction.

I am so so grateful for my family and friends, especially around this time of the year when I feel the mushiest :). It has been a fantastic month for me, I hope i stays that way! I am so grateful for all the love and support i get, sometimes I wonder what I have done to deserve so many amazing people. I am humbled and grateful for all of you! As the end of the year approaches, I am feeling incredibly thankfull for all the experiences I had this year. Wow I cannot believe how fast it all happened. I plan on writing a post all about he memories of this year later this month, watch for it. On this post Id like to talk about some surgery related stuff! So as a lot of you know, I have now lost 59 lbs! It has been quite the journey and I am so very happy, that is a LOT to lose in 3 1/2 months! I am feeling completly normal, and even eating some sushi at the moment, so to have the best of both worlds has been an incredible blessing in my life... I owe my surgeon, he saved me! I have ran into quite a few problems during this time though, so it hasn't all been peachy. First we had the gallstones, then the throwing up every day... then the weakness... basically It was rough for quite some time, and now I feel like im reaching that point once again in a different area. While I have been very grateful that I haven't had any hair loss (i hope im not speaking too soon) I have been finding many new bones in my body, most of them because of the pain they are causing! I feel like all this restructuring that is happening is making my body angry.
     It all stared when I felt like I had an ear infection. Since I had just recently been to the doctor I kind of put it off for a week or so thinking maybe it would just dissapear. Since I have never had one before I thought this must be what it feels like since my ear aches, along with feeling like there is water in my ear because I can hear my voice echoing in my head when i talk, or breathe.. weird right? anyway I read a lot about natural medications so I was going to try what I knew was great for ear infections (garlic oil) but instead ended up at the doctor. After doing 3 different tests on me the doctor finally realized that I have TMJ... awesome! especially since I can't take anti infammatories. Oh yeah, that same day my carpal tunnel kicked up again, and later in the week I started having hip and knee pains again. My doctors have said that this is totally normal while I am losing weight fast, so why did no one tell me about this? Anyway, since I cannot take anti inflammatories I started studying, and reading everything I could to figure out how to make myself feel better, and I am happy to say that I have figured it out! So Id like to share it with all my sleeve friends, since I know many of you go through the same issues I do on this. I know a lot of people have doubts about oils, so make sure that the store you bought it from accepts returns if it doesn't work for you since those things can get pricey!
I started my search with a company called DoTerra, (doterra.com) and the first and only oil i purchased is called Pastence. Pastence is a very pure mixture of wintergreen, lavender, peppermint, frankinsence, cilantro, marjoram, Roman Chamomile, Basil and rosemary. This tingly oil sort of feels like icy hot and smells quite strong (i love the smell). This oil alone is made for aches and pains, headaches and tension. This oil alone did not do much for my TMJ and carpal tunnel, however did get rid of a pretty bad headache caused by tension. So I continued to do my homework. I kept running across Lemongrass. While a lot of websites talked about the aromatherapy of it, I found out that it is actually quite potent as an anti inflammatory. I went to my local natural store to take a look. while I was there I found another oil by wyndmere called aches and pains. This is also an oil blend containing clove, birch, rosemary, black pepper, coriander, cypress and marjoram. I bought this as well as the lemongrass paid about 15 bucks for the two, and 24 for the Pastence one. While the pastence can be directly applied (its a roll on) the other ones ask for a carrier oil. This means that they are too harsh for the skin to be used alone. I chose to purchase almond oil in a bigger bulk bottle (6 bucks) to mix it all in since almond oil is great for the skin and this was going on my face. I applied the pastence roll on, let it dry then mixed in about 10 drops of almond oil to 5 drops of each lemmongrass and aches and pains and applied all of that to my temples, my jaw line, my wrists and my hip. I am happy to announce that within 5 minutes my pain was mostly gone, within 10 minutes it was non existent. For someone who cannot take anti inflammatories, this was a great discovery! For all of us post op people, if you didn't know, unless directly told by your doctor, you should stay away from anti inflammatories as they are death onthe sleeve.
Please let me know if any of you have questions on this, I would love to help.
Things are great right now, I cannot wait for the holidays! I am soon celebrating 4 months of dating Carson, which is a huge thing for me... I am so happy! Also, I have hired a friend to design my blog for me since I am not so good at these things. She went to school for web design and currently works designing our states phone books! She is incredible at what she does and I am super stoked to see what she has been working on for me. As soon as she is done, I will post her information if any of you would like her services as well.
Stay tunned for a brand new blog!!!

Shopping

So after an incredibly long day in the kitchen, cooking ALL of thanksgiving dinner by myself, I decided to take a gander at some of the sales going on around midnight... and that turned into an all night shopping event... between walmart and old navy until 6 am... in which then i changed and went straight to work...in the mall... DUMBEST idea I have ever had. I hope to never have to work retail on black friday again, I wanted to dig out my eye balls. anyway I ended up missing the Jazz game with Carson because i was hallucinating from not sleeping..... sad day! but overall it was a really good turnout, I got a bunch of cute pjs, here is a picture :)

silly

What an interesting week. Two thanksgiving parties, amazing friends... my dad had surgery (he is fine), an old friend passed away... Holy overwhelming! but on the good news, I have lost 5 lbs this week! maybe its from all this dancing I do lately :)

stanky leg

this happened purely by accident... minus cam.. he was on purpose.

Man I love me some Randi!

Blur

I do appologize for the bad lighting and blur... actually im grateful for the blur because my face was a mess... but here is a newly updated picture of my weight loss so far. I NEVER wear shorts... I love wearing them now, even if its just around the house because its so cold outside! I also treated myself to some new uggs, and a new coach bag for my success so far... oh and some new clothes! I spent some awesome times with Carson this week as well so over all I am very happy! I have been eating string cheese like its going out of style and im afraid sometimes it replaces meals for me! I need to keep track of what im eating better. <3 you all!

Rambling :)

Life has been a big bag of discoveries lately. Though sometimes I find my trials to be hard and quite stressfull they somehow teach me something valuable and in the end it all works itself out. I find that this seems to be the case everyone, and the real lesson in life is learning to be patient enough to see the ending results. I just wish I could remember this every time! I heard something the other day that stuck in my head, Pardon my misquoting, but it was something along the lines of  If you think you can do it, or you think you can't do it, You are right. Think about it for a minute. We all fail, we all cry about it...we all give up. We all win, we all enjoy praise (weather we admit it or not) and we all rejoice. This is of course speaking in a generalized form, and I only make this "exception" for the people in denial about their emotions....ugh (if this made no sense, it's most likely not you). Some or maybe all of you may be wondering the purpose of everything I just said, weather you found it inspiring or just kind of threw it aside, I wanted to share my personal insight. I keep talking about how much I have grown..blah blah etc.. Yet I constantly fail in proving myself so. I figured out that there is absolutely no purpose in proving yourself of anyone else that you have "grown" or whatever. Once you come to terms with the fact that we are all a little crazy, emotional, mature, childish, selfish, idiotic, happy, senseless, caring..etc You might reach the point where you are OK with it. even if sometimes you aren't. ---Since I have been losing weight a lot of things have been changing in my life and most of them I never saw coming. I have made some awful decisions, some great ones... and I've actually been okay with it all. I don't really care to go into further details. Id like to talk about some of those changes. first of all HOLY EMOTIONAL BATMAN..... I swear I am the poster child for bipolar/PMS. Being that I am fully aware of this I have actually gained quite a bit of control over it all and I am OK. I was told that my hormones would be affected, I was not told I would become permamently Pms lol. OH... and noone told me that I would be freezing all the time.. thanks. I have experienced quite a bit of emotional events anyway, this was the icing on the cake. I started getting close to the one man I loved enough to die for (way cliche I know..) then I have a life changing surgery and  not even 2 days after getting out of the hospital from surgery I met the man who might have possibly changed my life forever, yet because of my past that I cannot let go of I struggle a lot to make this work. I learned that my biggest struggle is that I don't feel like I deserve to have someone trully love me that much. Tell me over and over again I am being stupid and my subconscious will NOT listen. However, being aware I am slowly becoming. All I want to do is blame the one person in my past who I found responsible for all my failures in love. Its so easy to blame him. I have done it for years. I recently came to the conclusion that while I did deserve to be treated much better...(I know this now) he was absolutely at no fault for my personal failures with love. Its much bigger than that. I settle. And I fight for what I settle for. I could go on and on about my reasonings... my fears...blah blah who cares? Being aware of it is all that matters and it is like a HUGE freaking weight off my shoulders. I don't need to blurt out details but even though I broke up with Carson last week, we have still very much been seeing each other, This needed to happen because I want things to move slow, and in the three months we have been together slowing down was much needed. It is VERY different to be in a serious relationship with a full time father of a 6 year old, even if he is cute as heck. I don't know if Carson is the "one" and right now it's okay to just be with someone who genuinely cares about me so much. Im doing things very different with him and so far it worked.
So now that this is all off my chest (thank you for reading oh so patiently through my rambling) lets talk about my HEALTH.. my weight loss... all that fun jazz non emotionally related :).. in 9 days It will be 3 months since surgery! I cannot believe how fast time passes. I have officially lost 50 lbs (its been a few days since I've checked actually) and I feel incredible. First off I am losing all of this while eating which is grand, second of all nothing tastes better than healthy feels. I have become a string cheese queen... I eat it every day 3 times a day between meals to help my protein intake. I honestly don't pay that much attention to what I eat though, and I started working out again since my gallbladder removal a month ago. My weight loss is slightly on the slower side of things because I don't have that much to lose. People's reactions are by far my favorite... as we all know I like attention, and im getting it. Weirdly enough I have actually become a lot more conservative. I just recently got a very seasonal part time job to pass the time until school starts again in January, Im working at Victoria's secret. The pay really sucks, but honestly is such a nice breath of fresh air from a serious job, and im not really doing it for the money. Overall, life is falling into place... somedays I want to shut off the world, others I embrace it. I am taking this all one step at a time. Thank you all for reading my blog, It is a huge release for me to let it all out into words. <3 I hope everyone has a happy thanksgiving!